Let's be real here—how many of you are still struggling with Malenia, Blade of Miquella, in 2026? I mean, come on, it's been years since Elden Ring dropped, and people are still finding ways to make this 'toughest boss' look like a tutorial enemy. Just when you thought you'd seen every possible cheese strategy—rivers of blood, mimic tear summons, or even dance mat controllers—along comes someone like FutureAristocrat, who decided to take her down with... wait for it... bubbles and jazz music. Yes, you read that right. Bubbles and jazz. If that doesn't make you question your own gaming skills, I don't know what will.

The Ultimate Troll Build: Bubbles and Trumpets

So, what's the deal with this build? FutureAristocrat used the Envoy Horns—those seemingly useless weapons that shoot bubbles—to defeat Malenia without landing a single hit. I know what you're thinking: 'Are you kidding me? Those things are garbage!' And you're absolutely right. FutureAristocrat himself called them 'absolutely garbage weapons against fast enemies.' The blowing animation takes forever, the bubbles are easily dodged, and the hitboxes are, well, let's just say they're not great. But somehow, against all odds, it worked.

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Here's the kicker: this wasn't just a fluke. FutureAristocrat meticulously planned this run, using the Envoy's Longhorn and Greathorn primarily in Malenia's first phase. But why go through all this trouble? As he put it, 'This took fu**ing forever.' Blowing bubbles forces you to play incredibly passive, and doing it hitless makes it even worse. Imagine spending seven minutes blowing bubbles, only to get sliced into confetti by Malenia's Waterfowl Dance at the last second. No thanks!

Why This Strategy Is Both Genius and Madness

Let's break down why this approach is equal parts brilliant and insane:

  • Passive Playstyle: The bubble-blowing animation is slow, meaning you have to dodge constantly. This turns the fight into a marathon of patience.

  • Phase Limitations: The Envoy Horns might work in phase one, but phase two? Forget about it. Malenia becomes hyper-aggressive, making it nearly impossible to use these weapons unless she's in her 'flowering' animation.

  • Jazz to the Rescue: To cope with the frustration, FutureAristocrat added calming jazz music over the gameplay. Because nothing says 'relaxation' like dodging lethal sword swings while listening to smooth trumpet solos.

Pros Cons
Makes Malenia look silly Extremely time-consuming
No hit required High risk of failure
Jazz music soothes nerves Bubbles have terrible tracking

But here's the real question: why would anyone subject themselves to this torture? Is it for bragging rights? Or maybe just to prove that even the 'worst' weapons can triumph? Either way, it's a testament to the creativity of the Elden Ring community. Who needs meta builds when you have bubbles?

The Bigger Picture: Malenia's Legacy in 2026

Fast forward to 2026, and Malenia remains a benchmark for boss difficulty. But players have evolved. We've seen:

  • 🐟 Goldfish controllers

  • 💃 Dance mat victories

  • 🎺 Jazz bubble runs

It's almost embarrassing how easily she's been trivialized. Remember when Rivers of Blood and Mimic Tear were the go-to strategies? Now, they seem almost conventional compared to bubble baths and trumpet serenades. FutureAristocrat's run is just another example of how the community continues to push boundaries, turning frustration into art.

So, what's the takeaway? If you're still stuck on Malenia, maybe it's time to rethink your approach. Instead of grinding for hours with the same old build, why not try something ridiculous? Grab those Envoy Horns, put on some jazz, and embrace the chaos. Or, you know, stick to cheese. Cheese is always good. But where's the fun in that? After all, isn't the point of gaming to challenge ourselves in the most absurd ways possible?

In the end, FutureAristocrat's bubble run isn't just a victory over Malenia—it's a victory over monotony. It reminds us that even in a game as punishing as Elden Ring, there's always room for laughter, creativity, and a little bit of jazz. So, the next time you face a seemingly impossible boss, ask yourself: what would a trumpet-wielding bubble blower do? Then, maybe, just maybe, you'll find your answer in the most unexpected places. 🎶🛁